How to support your child’s mental health throughout their GCSEs
Ben West is an inspiring mental health campaigner. Having lost his brother to suicide 4 years ago, Ben is dedicated to changing the way we view mental health in our society. At just 21 years old, Ben has been awarded The Diana Award, a Pride of Britain Award and the Mental Health Hero Award for the work he has done to raise awareness and evolve the conversation around mental health. His current focus is developing the way in which universities take responsibility for the welfare of their students and campaigning for teachers to receive mandatory mental health training.
Recently, he spoke to Tassomai about how parents can support their child’s mental health and well-being throughout their GCSE years.
Young people are going through an extreme period of change in so many elements of their lives while studying for their GCSEs, which is why it can be hard for parents to spot whether changes in their behaviour are just part of them growing up, or something they should be concerned about.
Recognising when there is a problem is key to making sure your child gets the support they need. These conversations aren’t always easy and it can be hard to know where to start but the best advice I can give is just to open communication early.
When stress becomes sickness
Stress is really normal. It’s pretty much a fact of life in the modern world and, in the right quantities, it can even be a really good motivator. I personally needed some stress in order to push me through my school exams and keep up momentum, but this isn’t the case for everyone and it can easily become overwhelming. It is important to look for signs of whether your child is struggling. There is obviously no clear line, but noticing when your child is withdrawn or not wanting to do things that usually make them happy - be that with family, playing sport, seeing friends, eating with other people - can make all the difference.
The level of stress students are under these days makes exams into a borderline-traumatic experience and we are learning more and more about how traumas of any kind can affect our development. Not only do people typically not perform well under this level of intense scrutiny, it can go on to impact the rest of their lives and emotional development. Ensuring that students are given the right amount of mental health support during this time is therefore vital to not only getting the best out of them academically, but also protecting them from future harm.
Ben West is a contributor to Tassomai’s GCSE Survival Guide, a free 28 page handbook, full of practical tips and expert advice to help families navigate their way through GCSEs. Download your copy of the GCSE Survival Guide here.
Act early
My biggest piece of advice would be to act early. Don’t brush anything under the carpet, don’t wait for things to seem ‘more serious’, address issues when you notice them. Look, I’m not a parent and I know it must be hard to have these kinds of conversations but we have to intercept before things get the chance to deteriorate. This might involve some uncomfortable conversations but it can quite literally save lives.
People don’t compare mental health to their physical health enough - if you were concerned for your child’s physical health you would be straight down to your GP asking for a check up and making sure everything was ok. You wouldn’t leave an infection to ‘clear up by itself’, you would act, and the same has to go for mental health.
How to start the conversation
The best way you can start these conversations is by listening. Ask the occasional open ended question, but give your child space to unpack how they are feeling. If this isn’t information they feel comfortable offering up, then consider being vulnerable yourself. Vulnerability is contagious - if one person shares their experiences, the people around them feel like they can too. This can create a feeling of safety, which might encourage your child to open up themselves. So, while it is a bit of a cliche, it’s good to remember to lead by example.
Almost everyone in some area of their life is putting up a front or pretending to be less stressed than they really are. By pulling back the curtain and showing your child that a certain level of stress is perfectly normal, it can help them realise that they aren’t alone before they are able to spiral further.
SHOUT85258
I know big emotional conversations about our feelings aren’t everyone’s cup of tea, and that is okay too. There are ways parents can let their children know they support them while still giving them space. Organisations like SHOUT85258 do incredible work with young people. SHOUT85258 is a text message based organisation that gives young people an accessible way of asking for help. Think of it as the texting version of the Samaritans.
Even if your child isn’t currently struggling, suggesting they save the number to their contacts will let them know that you’re thinking of them, without smothering them. You could even encourage them to suggest it to any of their friends who may be struggling. Teenagers are even more reliant on their phones now then when I was at school only a few years ago and having an organisation like this that is so accessible and teen-friendly is invaluable.
Papyrus UK
Papyrus UK is another incredible organisation I’ve worked with. The charity works to prevent suicide in young people and they have great advice for parents and carers, both on their website and if you contact them. The resources on their site are fantastic and so helpful. If you are unsure where to start, I would recommend heading to their website. There are links for both people who are contemplating suicide themselves and people who are worried for loved ones.
Knowing when to seek professional help
Family members, and parents in particular, feel a loss of control when they see someone they love struggling, which can be undeniably difficult. However, I think it can also be important to remind yourself that you are not a professional and there may come a time when your child needs more than just your personal support. This is very hard, especially for parents, as our natural instinct is always to try and ‘rescue’ someone we care about from situations that are hurting them, but we can’t do everything ourselves, nor are we qualified to.
Question your child’s behaviour as soon as something doesn’t seem right. If they change the way they are acting or behaving then pick up on it and talk to them about it. With mental health, people tend to assume that nothing is wrong or that it is nothing serious, but acting early can save someone’s life later on. Act on your suspicions, don’t wait for evidence. Parents struggle with the idea that they can’t ‘solve’ their children’s problems or they don’t think they know how to help them, which causes people to delay important conversations.
The biggest pressure during your GCSEs is often the one that you put on yourself. Communication is key to making sure your child doesn’t suffer in silence and get overwhelmed - it’s a very easy trap to fall into, especially when there is so much else going on in their lives. Talk to them, engage with them, be vulnerable with them and support them in any way you can. To end on another cliche… a problem shared, is a problem halved.
- Ben West (@IamBenWest on twitter)
Click here to read Ben West’s tips on keeping your cool as a GCSE parent.
